The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is wine microwaveable?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
