Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
