it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
