he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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