Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
