I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
