I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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