Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
