nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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