dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
