season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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