I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
