I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
