Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
