its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize