He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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