I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize