I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
