Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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