My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize