You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
