Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
