I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
