Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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