Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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