So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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