My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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