she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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