Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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