Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
