Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
