i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
