Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize