never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
