We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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