My balls are so social today.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
