Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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