she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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