This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize