I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
