im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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