You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
