bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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