I want to walk on stilts...naked
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
