i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
