great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
