i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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