Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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