super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
