the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
