Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
