All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
