she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
