first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
