Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im six kinds of drunk right now
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
