i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Still dying that you shit outside
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
