i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
