I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
