Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
