Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
