She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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