that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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