Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found puke in my bra..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
