Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im holly from the hills drunk
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize