nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i believe in u and ur pee
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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