Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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