the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
