Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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