I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
